S.e.l.f.i.s.h

=Selfishness=

Who'll be able to stay calm and act like nothing.
It was easy to be indecisive.

useless again.

Hate that song and those pic.

No doubt

"No doubt"

So that mean i should not suspect.

but what about my 6 sense?

Ignore it and kill it.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alright, I have NO and MORE idea what am I gonna to do with the preparing graduate's of XXX. Stuck on it.

Count on me again? How the HOLLY sucks again

Keep on stuck stuck stuck~

stuck to fuck

Difficult

…
算过了,
每个星期…
…

一定会不断重复

是有那么多,一直一直地
所以那是代表
My fault

道路

對別人來說那是個很荒唐而沒意義的事，

但對我來說那是忠於自己心裡所想的而做

即使本來就是個很叛逆和固執的個性，但還是會分輕重而決定每個事情，沒有"隨便"及"任性"的。

并不是因為別人所想好的步驟然後就要繼續一步接一步，

看厭了那所謂"設定"好的道路，爲了那不值錢的面子與榮譽而繼續，值得嗎?

活在大眾裡頭還是自我世界，各有各想法

最重要的是 對得起自己就好

別人怎麼想都好，

那只是"他們"想而已，

重要的是"我們"想。

幾句話就可以把所有的正常言論搬出來的，

反駁一切，

那只是接受不到而繼續延續那道路的人。

不一樣

想的，講的，做的
都會是不一樣的

所以還是一樣
繼續等待

Feb's memo

This is encrypted: Feb's memo

travel

I do like to travel, but money is needed.

I do like to do sport, but times is needed.

I wanted my leg could walk many places, my eyes to see many things, my hand to touch and feel many things.

So I love to being a backpacker.

Just like someone.

I just wanted to go out play!

Doubt

Who am I?

The one at that place, there or here?

Who I am?

I felt lost again.

Which one are the true?

Am I still living?

Been forgotten, felt lost.

What is the target on the 1st?

Does it mean broke?

Failure

So, It was my fault?
Can't do anything and say anything, even can't accompany with you.

Failure.

Don't wanna see you with that face.

Said

Said, been poisoned.
Deep and hard to cure.

Said, hold it tight and never let go.
Warm and soft.

Said, wake up and open the eyes, felt like still in dreaming.
Kind of complicated feel.

Said, still not yet open my heart to let others go through.
Actually I'm trying and give me some times.

Said, L... really is complicated and hard.
Totally agreed it, never try it, never knew the feel.

I said.....

Change the new life.

A deal

I remember the deal,

it was a deal that gonna make it before my 21st birthday.

Yet, actually i achieve it.

And, it not a game. Never think of it was.
I'm the winner on that deal, but I'm still a loser too, lose to the god of time.

Since i drop into it, it's deeper and deeper, everyday.

I thought I'll handle it but no.

I thought it'll be the normal but no.

I thought it'll be happiness but actually only get half.

So, that night, I make a wish that maybe never come true.

While it getting happiness but still hiding the sorrow.

Live in afraid status.

No reason

No reason, No why.
That is the way I like.

Without the reason, so I love all of it.
This is the way I like.

Untouchable

 Taylor Swift - Untouchable

Untouchable like a distant diamond sky
I'm reaching out and I just can't tell you why
I'm caught up in you, I'm caught up in you

Untouchable, burning brighter than the sun
And when you're close, I feel like coming undone

In the middle of the night when I'm in this dream
It's like a million little stars spelling out your name
You gotta come on, come on, say that we'll be together
Come on, come on, little taste of heaven

It's half full and I won't wait here all day
I know you're saying that you'd be here anyway
But you're untouchable, burning brighter than the sun
Now that you're close, I feel like coming undone

In the middle of the night when I'm in this dream
It's like a million little stars spelling out your name
You gotta come on, come on, say that we'll be together
Come on, come on, oh

In the middle of the night waking from this dream
I wanna feel you by my side, standing next to me
You gotta come on, come on, say that we'll be together
Come on, come on, little taste of heaven

I'm caught up in you
Oh, oh, oh

But your untouchable, burning brighter than the sun
Now that you're close, I feel like coming undone

In the middle of the night when I'm in this dream
It's like a million little stars spelling out your name
You gotta come on, come on, say that we'll be together
Come on, come on, oh

In the middle of the night when I'm in this dream
It's like a million little stars spelling out your name
You gotta come on, come on, say that we'll be together
Come on, come on, come on

In the middle of the night waking from this dream
I wanna feel you by my side, standing next to me
You gotta come on, come on, say that we'll be together
Come on, come on, little taste of heaven

And in the middle of the night when I'm in this dream
It's like a million little stars spelling out your name
You gotta come on, come on, come on, come on
Come on, come on, oh, oh, oh

Like a million little stars spelling out your name
They're spelling out your name, oh

Thought it's will be like this.

When in the midnight,

 Look at the ceiling, holding the pillow.

A thousand minded in my brain,

keep on thinking.

Insomnia.

Been habits, by my side.

After

以後的以後

養一隻貓

養一隻狗

當做是懷念那回憶中的那個

想起那個

已經看不清以後了，只好很頹敗地感覺那"失"感

No way

可以不要嗎？

我真他媽的固執，就是不想放

決定…. 幾時？

我很想……………

應該想什麽辦法才行

Where is the "To be continue"?

RE

It's was a past,
Never get RE for everything.

Sound like today is a joke, as i wish it was.
but NO.

It'll be the last time.
Good Bye.

壓力

你說 很多壓力 來自他們,自己還有她
你說 不要管他們說的話 可是你卻還是很在意

那怎麼樣?
那個她就是那麼的魯莽, 不講理, 不理別人感受, 只有錢是最大, 愛面子, 永遠都不滿足

我以後也會變成你那樣嗎?

你說 我從小就很獨立
那是從小就被訓練出來的獨立

生活上是沒有她
不能依靠, 自己想辦法解決

現在, 也是一樣


我以後真的會變成你那樣嗎?
不想變成你或她...

白。癡

Hint : Hurt x ?

變

這個新年，我想你也是第一次在天上過新年哦，應該不錯吧

啊~又是一句自我安慰的話

可是我真的很想你，很想念你的笑聲

我...

這新年，已經變了

.......

別傻啦，就這樣繼續吧

那無止看不到前方的路

越走越裏面，離光越遠

現在的現在，
我真的不配了

以後的以後，

應該會很失望

對不起

...

還能怎樣?

慢慢收起來吧

慢慢減少

然後結束

。


這是我新年第一個願望
結束后就是普普通通的
永遠

就這樣，不改變

軀殼

腦袋空白、沒靈魂般地駕駛,

很多人都說這是危險駕駛, 可是

身體卻是很理智、很自然地在控制Steering、Accelerator、Brake

尤其是下雨天更危險

但, 看著雨打落在車鏡前, 那種情形就像眼睛被一種東西掩蓋著, 看著四周模糊不清, 紅綠燈及車燈都閃閃亮著, 風聲不斷
眼睛蓋下來后, 清楚了一點然後又恢復模糊不清的畫面, 就像刷雨器刷走車鏡那樣, 重複又重複

身邊的畫面不斷地移動, 前方模糊的路, 是唯一能讓自己靜下來的時刻

已經顧不著會不會迷路的問題了, 就很自然而盲目地駕駛

當回到熟悉的地方時, 卻又轉別的方向行駛

就只有在睡覺和駕車時, 才能讓腦袋不去想任何事

感覺麻木了

魚

魚  分為
自由與不自由

自由的魚

四周處於危機但卻可四處遊玩

需要自己尋找食物但卻享受尋找的過程

四海爲家, 愛去哪住都行, 不需別人的同意, 偶爾還是會感到累了想要有個安全地方
沒目的 沒方向 沒安全感

不自由的魚

被一個四方的魚缸困住, 假的珊瑚石礁背景, 假的水草

被外來的不明人物拍打玻璃, 被驚嚇得不知逃跑去哪, 四處亂撞, 遍體鱗傷卻又不得怒訴

定時的食物, 新鮮水輪換但卻多了份空虛
假象的玻璃框, 無處可逃,日復一日的生活

屬於哪種呢?

Present

要送你的禮物, 已經待在我房間的衣櫃里很久
原來已經1年半了, 再過幾個月就是2年

不知道該要轉送給別人還是繼續放在衣櫃里

猶豫了一個晚上,

最後還是把它放在裏面  繼續封閉

原來已經過了那麼久了

久得..

忘了一些, 明明記得很清楚的

是的, 我忘了

disgusted

又是這個聲音,

令我厭惡的聲音

待多久就聽多久

待在和平的日子太久了, 

都快忘了這聲音

這噩夢般的聲調

Back home

今天, 走進家裡繞個圈, 就被趕著出去幫你做東西然後再趕回去幫爸擺檔

家裡還是沒變, 沙發、廚房..嗯, 或許還是有些東西多了 少了

中途,

你說 你的腳開始惡化 可能多幾年就不能再跑或站太久

那你也體會得到腳不能跑的滋味, 是多么痛苦, 多么想念那奔跑的風

我以為我是這麼想

然而我當下是 心軟

其實你說了很多事, 可我只記得這個而已

——————————————————————————————————————————

發覺老爸的頭髮少了, 容易累了, 可是脾氣好這點還是一樣

習慣被他罵  蠢到要命啊, 然後翻白眼再打我的頭一下

習慣被他催  去沖凉啊   還不睡覺   還玩電腦啊   這幾句話

感覺這次比上次還要快適應回來

突然發覺, 我笑容少了

Just

That just chronic,
been chronically everything here.

Automatic felt it was the rightly realistically.

The life that I been there was just a short good dream,
and yet I'm here again.

So I'm back.

I just wanna ... ....

Again

又到了這種時期了，
那種感覺又回來


越靠近，
不想的意願越大

還剩12天